Beamish Hall, County Durham.
the scene of Emma and Stevens rather wonderful wedding.

O.K. this isn't a picture of a wedding, it's a picture of some flowers.
Emmas' flowers to be exact.

happy - bright colours. something like Emmas character.

and this is a shoe, well, maybe 2 shoes.

ok. I'm not very good at thinking of original captions . . . .

Emma slips into the wedding dress, skips into the shoes and slides into her mums living room.
bridesmaids pay homage by kneeling on the floor
they make ritual images in the time honoured historic tradition, using camera phones.

meanwhile, Emmas' mum peeks through the door - very proud of her little girl.

I like this picture - it tells a story - some of the best ones do, they're simple, unposed, they probably didn't realise I was taking it (probably wrapped up in the ritual snaps on camera phone thing . . .).

Emma checks makeup in a mirror,
a small child with wings on, falls asleep on the mantelpiece below the mirror.

I leap into my car then race to Beamish Hall,

sorry - I drive cautiously and with due care and attention to the reception venue,
whilst carefully observing all speed limits,
where our Bridegroom, Steve, awaits.

The room above is where the wedding is to take place.

at Beamish Hall, you can get married in the Entrance Hall, the Monboucher room,
or the oh-heck-I-forgetthenameoftheroom.

this is the oh-heck-I-forgetthenameoftheroom.

and the groom and best man are standing just to the left of the centre of the picture,
awaiting the arrival of Emma.

Emma and Ken (83, partially sighted, deaf in one ear)

that's Ken, not Emma you lunatic . .
enter the room which has a name but I forget it,
the guests await, and so does the groom.

much wedding stuff then ensues - a registrar does the business.

quick - change to a longer lens,
I slap on the lens - point camera in generally the correct direction,
take a picture . . . I think he's going to give her a kiss at this point

yep. my prediction was correct - he grabbed her and kissed her

Still kissing, they walk out of the room (difficult whilst kissing)

turn left, down a corridor, through a doorway, turn left . .

exit building . . still kissing

STOP KISSING.
(there's some steps . . . . definitely a health and safety hazard if you're doing the walking kissing thing)

the marathon kissathon completed . Emma and Steven come up for air,
and then aim themselves in the direction of my camera for a quick picture or two.

confetti flies - in this picture I can see two flying confetti boxes . . .
oh heck,   . . you're supposed to take it out of the box first . . . . .

Ken (you remember 83 etc etc) is sighted sitting and smiling,
what the heck is he looking at you wonder . . . .

ooh. that looks nice. I'll take a picture of that too.

we hop outside and take a handful of posed pictures, as one does.

actually - one doesn't have to - everything is optional.

but for me to rabbit on about what you can and can't do would interrupt the flow of pictures here,
so for our intents and purposes . . one has some pictures at this point.

no caption needed - but you're getting one anyway . .

well - that's Beamish Hall in the background,
Emma and Steven are standing in front of a tree that has a bit of an odd shape
some folks call it the lightning tree. (once hit by lightning maybe . .)

no caption needed - the picture is the caption.
monboucher is the name of the room in which the reception was held

hey - I said no caption . . . .

ok . I'm boring you. I'll go for minimal captions then.

this is a table.

this is also a table.

see - I can do small captions.

and this is  . . . .

would you rather I told you what you were looking at then ?

receiving line - Emmas mum is about to shake hands with a bridesmaid

Ken beams a delighted smile

I cunningly walk backwards approximately 1.37 metres

this enables me to get a picture of the receiving line, including the bride and groom,
the table plan - which someone has thoughtfully framed (must be going on the wall somewhere)

at this point, guests turn sharply to their left and find their places.

Emma greeting guests . . we're still in the receiving line.

anyway. things happen. a man in a red coat welcomes our bride and groom into the room
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN - THANK YOU - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN etc etc

he says 'ladies gentlemen' a lot

then . . they walk in , everyone claps and cheers, they sit down, they eat . .

THEN. we turn our attention to the cake

white chocolate I'd guess.

at this point - our couple decide to cut the cake

I am about to photograph this - but then I become transfixed by an architectural column
which sprouts a hairy hand grasping a camera . . .

I ignore the cake cutting for a moment - wondering if the hand has an owner,

sure enough - the column then sprouts the owner of the hand,
concentrating on his camera.

oh well, mystery solved - at least we know who's hand it was.

back to cutting the cake etc etc

here, two other hands hold a whacking great cake knife,

and slice into the cake

after cake cutting and hairy hand moments,
we move on to speeches - this is our groom Steven, firing off a quip or two.

above we see a guest, firing off a quip or two . . .
I'd love to know what he was saying - he seems to have had an effect on the guy on the right .

anyway . much alcohol is consumed,
time marches on - and I take a picture to illustrate time marching on

the illustration is helped by a guy looking rather spaced out, below a clock which gives away the time.

akso - let the endncing begin

aw nuts - my typing is gerrible late at night.

the caption should read

SO - LET THE DANCING BEGIN.

I am reliably informed that the band contains a famous singer,
famous from the telly that is,

but since I don't watch much telly (never have time - I'm always making pictures)

I don't know who he is.

but I'll try to get a picture of him

missed . I shot the wrong guy.  this isn't a singer, it's a sax player

(saxophonist to those of you who have no fear of eleven letter words)

Ah . . . . that's him,
I still don't know who he is,

but to be fair, I don't know anyone at all.

anyway. it rained a lot,
heavy storm clouds rolled overhead

perfect for a picture we thought (well, I thought)

so we hopped out for a final picture.

thanks Emma and Steven.
it was an honour and a privilege to be part of your day.