Durham Castle, Durham. which oddly enough is in County Durham.

so that's Durham Castle , Durham, Durham.

confusing for the postman eh !

Elizabeth and Neal were married at the parish church in Whitburn,
then hopped over to Durham Castle (as one does) for their wedding reception.

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At the brides mums house,
a room is commandeered by bridesmaids,
who immediately construct a wierd looking mirror device
for the purpose of adjusting eyelashes.

and we find that a small hand is making shoe patterns.

the owner of the small hand is above

let's see . .  there are 8 shoes here.

8 shoes obviously belong to an octopus.

(or 4 bridesmaids . . . but the octopus sounds more fun).

above, the chief arranger of octopus shoes sits for a simple picture.

fast forward to Whitburn Church,

we see a quick pep talk from the man of god in the church porch.

'now the man that you are about to marry will be waiting at the top of the aisle for you . . . . '

'but my boyfriend said he was going to marry me and he's still in primary school'

A sudden timewarp ensues. bridesmaids walk up aisle,
bride and her father walk up aisle etc etc.

you know the sort of thing . .

then everyone sits down and observes the wedding.

a the vicar here is an ex military man,

quite a reasonable chap - with a very expressive face!

above, we see the wedding ensuing,
the vicar says the legal and religious bits,
punctuated by more expressions,

whilst the groom giggles.

ah - he's got his back turned.

a chance for a quick snog . .

Now . . sign here, he's all yours . . .

the observant amongst you will notice the church pet eagle watching from the right hand side.

the pictures of signing the register were taken from the other side of the church,

with a huge long lens . . .

this was the vicars idea . . it worked too.

audience . .  sorry, congregation, clutching orders of service.

and hey presto . shazzam. over in a trice. it's done !
they're married !

other things happen,

then other things,

then more other things.

of course I photograph all of those other things,

but since I produced hundreds of pictures and there's only room for a handful here,

you get to see the couple with the castle.

heck - if you have a castle, you might as well have a picture in it !

I forgot to mention - the weather forecast (this being England !)
indicated that if it wasn't raining, it was going to rain in the next few seconds . .

so . . . these pictures are taken under the archway of Durham Castle Gatehouse
in order to remain dry.  because it has started raining !

if theres' one thing worse than rain - it's wind and rain,

(I know - that isn't one thing - it's two things, but who's counting ?).

but the sudden gust of wind actually makes some nice shapes with the veil.

ho hum. we make the best of the wind and rain - and get some pictures !

this is how it works at Durham Castle . . . . .

guests congregate (there's that word again) in the Tunstall Gallery,
the Tunstall Gallery isn't an art gallery - it's a corridor running along the first floor of the castle.
my theory is that it was designed for olde worlde folks to take exercise when it rained.

well - it rained today.

so the guests took shelter in the Gallery,
chatted and mingled, as one politely does . .

then proceeded down the black staircase.

(the black staircase is called the black staircase - because it's black,
just in case you're interested)

It's also flipping ancient and is supported by huge chunks of wood
shaped like ships masts.

the whole contraption being so ancient - it creaks alarmingly when you walk on it.

the Bride and groom can be seen to the left - greeting guests as they then
wander into the Great Hall.

I must point out that the guy with the video camera standing on the staircase
is nothing to do with me. he's a video man.

he's either holding a video camera or some kind of gun with telescopic sights .

above - the lovely little bridesmaid who was playing with the shoes earlier,
takes shelter under the brides veil

no explanation for the picture above
if you can't work it out - there's probably no hope for you.

a menu lurks on a table and is promptly photographed.

pierced at the top right with a little heart - a blue jewel thingybob dangles within.

you'll find place cards and all sorts of things in a similar style.

our bride and groom enter the Great Hall,
guests rise and applaud.
not a bad picture - it tells the story . . .

I climb up a rope ladder that I have brought for the purpose,
then dangle from the edge of the minstrels gallery
and get a quick picture of the hall with guests seated.

the maitre'd strides purposefully towards me . .

ere . . what are you doing dangling from that rope ladder ?

oh the speeches . .
I suppose you're curious about this bit . .

Elizabeth decided that Neal could be king for the day and obtained a crown for him . .

this is the moment of his coronation

here, the King of Durham Castle makes his speech.

Princess Eightshoos (the shoe arranger) spots the camera and smiles

Princess Eightshoos obtains plunder

sorry . . she receives a gift from the Bride and groom.

above - we see the top of the wedding cake,
cunningly made to show a couple in a stockade with an explosion behind them.

I've gone into artist mode and have photographed this
to show the bride and groom soft focus behind the cake . . . .

here's a betterview of the incredible exploding cake

I believe it's made by Clare from 'Chocolatey Cakes'

the cake is cut and I obtain a picture by standing in the least obvious place.

I then notice a swarm of smiling guests

my theory is that this is what the couple will remember,
so I photograph it. 
that's me storytelling again . . .

oh - forgot to mention,
we took some pictures around the castle .  sort of posed. 
well .. yes, posed.

I can do some you know !

Above,Elizabeth and Neal sit outside their room
watched over by a huge bust of Emperor Hadrian.
(I'm guessing it's Hadrian, it looked like him anyway - if it wasn't him, it was his brother)

a little known fact about the Emperor Hadrian . . . .

apart from building Hadrians wall,
the original town of Newcastle was named after him (pons aelius. . it means Hadrians bridge).

second little known fact,
the Adriatic sea was named after him . . . .

third little known fact . . . he was gay . . .
imagine him mincing along the Hadrians wall past loads of macho Gladiator types . . .

no offence to gay people . . oh god, I'm probably digging myself into a hole here.

quick - change the subject . . . .

here we see that the DJ has one of those fun light shows that
cover the room in multicoloured spots of light.

very effective lightshow sir.

dancing.
you know it's dancing. you don't really need a caption.

we take some pictures around the castle - it's now raining cats and dogs,
which means that our couple are sheltering in the lee of a building.

lee = nautical term. I'll explain it when you get older.

ok . if it's raining - I hear you ask, then how did we do this one ?

well - y'see the white umbrella to the right ?
under the umbrella lurks a bridesmaid - she held the umbrella above the couple
until I was ready to take a picture,
she then scarpered sharpish . I went click ( well, the camera went click but you get the message)

then as soon as the picture was taken - she gaily hopped over and planted the brolly over our couple
who had then been hit by 12 raindrops and one camera flash.

umm . . same technique would have been used here - but it stopped raining for a moment

a crazy idea to get Durham Cathedral involved in the pictures
(it's only a few metres away) means that our bride and groom
stand under a tree.
very cunning plot that . . . it's raining again,

and what's a tree for anyway - it's a giant brolly isn't it.  dry underneath.

I retreat into the distance, these are the last pictures taken today.

thank you Elizabeth and Neal,
your wedding was extremely good fun to attend,
and your guests were also extremely good company too ! .